Define "Depression": Severe despondency(in low spirits from loss of hope or courage) and dejection(make sad or dispirited), especially when long-lasting.
I have a friend, who I had been live in for a time being. Maybe last time I did't notice much about him since I have so many friend live together. Now I had.
No doubt that everyone has their own characteristic, which is who you are. I think you all know my characteristic. I'm a hot tempered, independent, schematic and passive guy, searching for happiness for my life. I agreed that life is not a wave without frequency, that why I try to avoid the notch which is negative. Since I was hot tempered, I have try to cool down myself future than I can, and that had save me from losing all my friends, and building enemy around me, until now I still able to control myself.
Since I have a friend who have the characteristic I can't really stand on, I still have to because I have no choices. If I can afford to pay my own rent, I won't be staying with him and travel in the same car. Not because he is poor can't afford a car, not because I'm selfish, I just could not stand who really he is.
Maybe he do not have the experience, when a thief went into the house or someone break into the house and take away everything you have. Locking all the doors and latch them after using it, it not that hard right? If you left it, you definitely forget it, I guess lazy? I don't want to lost what I have, it is not easy to start over again, it took a long way to get back there.
Maybe he do not know what the feeling when driving and the pax seat beside you sleep like a death men. It will, automatically, mentally, bring the driver to the mood of sleeping. I wonder what he is doing when at night and sleep during what time. I do not care that, but before I start to move the car, he had taken down his spectacle and REM sleep. WTF!!, is he working earning 10 thousand bugs a day? no time to sleep when working? Even after work coming back to home. From my opinion, he maybe doing something into late night, or playing table tennis during break which bring him so tired, or he do not want to waste his time just sitting in the car look around and have conversation since his time is so precious? What happen if I told him to go work by himself since he is an adult, he could find his way right?
Maybe he does not know when he is talking, he had cross the line of topic spoken. I could not get it what is in his mind of all A's student. Maybe that the boundary layer between us. He would not tolerate although you are right until he is right. He speak very lough and action to all the worker around him. Maybe he knew all the knowledge and which other don't know? or he is always the top in his way of thinking? or he is try to promote himself? By the way, he only respect the lae because he is the one giving instructions, the rest maybe is his slave of death.
Maybe he clever and in such a way, did't think out, looking at a different angel, about other feelings, what other is thinking, what other will do. Maybe he is too busy for that? or he just a stubborn candle which hardly light on?
Maybe what he think is always right, everyone is wrong. Now, I hardly speak to him since I can say every time I speak with him will end with fighting. I try to be nice, but if you don't then fuck it. He won't stop until you stop first. Who want to talk with him? If he ask me questions than I will reply, but if he speak to himself then eat yourself. I pretend nothing happen. Just like just now having lunch about 9.00pm. He said, the chinese pao have no mushroom and egg inside also. I just continue drink my water. I know he complain about the food of this restaurant since the first time we came to that shop. But everything I ask him where you want to eat? He said up to me to decide. So fuck it if you don't like, I will still go to the shop.
Yeah, talking about sharing information, I had retrieve that skill of mine since long ago. What I learn during my ojt with anyone, what i'm doing, what I found fascinating, I tell all my schoolmate about it, how interesting it is and giving them the information. Since one of my friend told me to share what I had, I did. But what they think about it? I'm talking junks, bullshit, knowledge and info that they knew before I am. I had did it, but the other don't. I gave away what I learn and I never get back what they learn. They just keep it. Just like the friend I have now.....
I had a fight with my friend the other day which is about my digi broadband. Since I'm living with him in a new area without internet connection is the hard one. So the first month moved in, disaster happened, the life of my laptop had taken away by mother nature, so I have to use his laptop with my digi broadband to search for information. I know my friend, who is a guy cant live without internet because is it. So the first month I lend him my broadband and he lend me his laptop. I bought a netbook which cost me RM900. I could not afford that but I have to had it for my studies, so I have no choice to borrow RM450 from him since that month we earn a lot from overtime and he did;t not use for that. On the second month I asked him that do you want to share the broadband with me? Each pay half. He refused and said he hardly used. I also hardly used because no coverage in my room. So he borrowed from me sometime. One day, he was sick and on medical leave. I went to work and he is alone at home. I'm so kind that I told him where I kept my broadband and if he want to use, that take it. Is end of second month, just after that day, while I having my nap, he came into my room and took the broadband away where I told him where I kept it. I found it but I silence. After a few days, he came in and want to borrow my broadband, and I told him you want to share for the next month? He answer :"RM44 is so expensive and I hardly use.". I also hardly use, what you scare unfair?. Then he said one day RM1 will be Rm30 for one month, and then he said too expensive also. Then he said how about I rent with you 1hr/RM1? I fuck him directly and ask him go to cyber cafe of he want to use internet, I'm paying RM88 and borrow you use? why dont you subcribe and borrow me?. Then he fuck me back that he can lend me Rm450 with no second though and borrowing him a broadband with so many reasons and excuses. Said that the money I want to give my mother lah this that lah. What an unprofessional act. I pay him back Rm450 after the day. Until now haha no more borrowing my broadband.
I told him 2 times on the second month that install streamyx, so we can share and use it. He told me a lot of excuses, expensive lah, no money lah and the most long lasting until today if I asked him to install streamyx, he will tell me that wait ong come and stay with us, than i will install streamyx..... So in this case, I protech my right on my broadband is correct.
I'm tired of this life. To maintain such a friendship is harder with a stranger. If I do have choices once I was on tempered, I may choose the choices available. Maybe I just a bit crazy, work back home study, non-stop no rest. I think I have been working to hard and i'm stressed and tired. Maybe I should went to some places to release my tension.
After reading my blog, is just the though which stuck in my mind which no one I can express with. So write it down is the best I can do. Don't take it wrong, I'm still me, I wont take stupid action on anything, is just I want to write it down, so that I can forget about it and keep moving on. After today, I will forget everything about yesterday, that is how I start my day. Live with no regrets because everything happens for a reason.
Cheers pal.
After we went to PWTC to see KL Motorshow which cost us RM5.00 with student card, mine student card still valid hehehe. That day I bring a camera along so I was so busy taking photos and forget to see the spec of the cars. Haha. I uploaded to facebook since it's more easier, here is the link http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=577033&id=551555074&l=e7d6cae830
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